Went to visit the vocal specialist a few days ago, which cost me a bomb. hahaha... But it's a good experience as it is the first time that i visit a "specialist".
Finally, i'm putting something into action. Something that should have been done long ago. Ever since i started singing in church 3 years ago, it was like i've finally found something that i really love doing. God is truly truly good, giving me chances to do things that i never thought was possible. I learnt the most during these period in church, time really flies, before i realised, i've been a Christian for more than 3 years. I've learn so much... precious values in life that can never be bought. And most importantly, having to know my God more and more each day.
*"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory; While we look not at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen: for the things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal." (2 Corinthians 4:17-18)
Due to my wrong techniques in singing, i've hurt my vocal badly, and due to that i've paid it with a great price - The lost of quality in my voice and worse of all, losing my voice whenever i sing. The feeling is painful, because singing is something i really love doing. I've never have definite preferences and things that i love in my life, but singing is definitely something i know i want to do and i love doing.
Ever since the first time i sang for God, i told God, that i will sing for Him for the rest of my life. I simply fell in love in the picture of people worshipping God, with all their hearts, all their soul, all their mights and all their strength.
Thus losing my voice and unable to sing for God is something that i cannot imagine.
I was worried during the wait before the doctor did a thorough check on me (by inserting a tube through my nostril.) At that point, i could not help but started to feel really awful, with thoughts coming into my mind on what will happen. "Do i need a surgery? I certainly will not do it." "What if the doctor ask me not to sing anymore?"
Thus, at that point of time, i began seeking God and asking Him to give me peace and strength. Then i decided that no matter what happen, i trust in Him. And indeed, when i know that i do not need to undergo any surgery, i felt really relieved. God is indeed good, He will never give us something that we cannot take it. Having to see what's within my nose, the sinus infection and own vocal cord vibrating as the doctor asked me to project an "eeee" was truly entertaining. lolz...
After the check, the doctor told me that i have nodules grown in my vocal cord. Thankfully it's only at the beginning stage, thus no surgery was needed. Hallelujah!
I will only need to go through something call speech therapy...
I'm in the midst of considering whether i should go. I've just started working, and going for the treatments will only meant more MCs and also another bomb in my finance.
I like what i'm doing now. Perhaps it's the feeling of slowly being force to be discipline. Being consistent in something takes a lot of effort and will, and sadly, it is something i find it especially hard to do. Thus i want to conquer it. I like the feeling of having to earn money with what i've worked hard for, and after all the trainings i've went through in my job. I really hope to continue. After all, it's a job that God had bless me with - at the point in my life that even when i was feeling like i was at the valley, He gave me hope.
I will put my trust in God as He leads me. I know He will give me what He thinks is best for me. I believe i will be healed, and it will happen very soon. By then, i will be able to be a plus, and add to the worship team and bring more people to knowing God in this intimate way.
You are my Secret place
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When i am lost, You find me
When i'm in need, You sheltered me
Living beneath the shelter of Your wings
My heart's safe.
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