Hidden moments in life

There are somethings in life that people will try to run away from, and it seems like i can really understand that now a days, especially at this phrase of my life... In the past i am not used to say about death, especially about my own death, because i would think it is far away... but now it seems like it doesn't matter anymore, because it doesn't seem much difference. My heart is constantly changing, which affect the decision i made in life... After i stopped my relationship with Him, it seems like i'm just living a life of self-denial... i'm still happy with my life, happier at some point, with the accomplishments, meeting with new things, but still, it is no longer that joy that i used to have. (which i no longer remember how it feels like)

Today i received an SMS, which to me, is so hurtful. It was out of most sincere intention, but to me, it just made me feel so hurt. It seems to remind me again on the things that i've been running away from, like pulling me back to reality.

Having to show vulnerability is hard for anyone, i believe, especially now i'm saying this online.. But i just got to find a place to output my sadness, and i really enjoy typing my feelings out, as it is therapeutic to me and really makes me feel much calm and relax.

I've made that decision, yet i'm still pondering on it. What a struggle and it's like knowing you have to make a decision, yet hoping to still procrastinate on it, which is really bad...

I believe all these will come to past soon. Joy will return once again.

Love,
Winnie